We're Pregnant!!

Yep, you read that right! We're pregnant! We're pregnant. It seems like such a strange and wild thing to say and for it to actually be real, and not pre-rehearsed. But it is official, WE. ARE. PREGNANT. There is a baby in my belly!

So, let me give you a really quick run down, from the beginning of this cycle TTC.

It all started with a false positive pregnancy test on August 1st. We were heartbroken and it spurred me to call my doctor and ask that our fertility be taken in a more advanced direction. This was the first glimmer of hope we'd had in trying on our own (without medical intervention aside from advice) in 3 years. And then it was completely dashed away in almost the same breath when a second test came up negative.

Off to the doctor I went. She (my dr) agreed it was time for some action, and after a thorough check up she decided my insulin levels were too high and it was keeping me from ovulating. And, let's face it, you gotta do that if you wanna get pregnant. She put me on Metformin to control the insulin, Provera to start my period (it just decided it wanted to go on vacation that month) and then Clomid to help me ovulate AFTER my period.

I went home, and promptly caught a cold. 

So I started my meds (all but the Metformin) a week later than she had requested. Not only did I have a cold, but I was SO SICK on Metformin that I could barely raise my head off the pillow in the mornings. 

I took the two medications like I should, and waited for a positive ovulation test. I distinctly remember texting my best friend (she lives in Alabama) and telling her I didn't think the Clomid had worked. I went days and days later than I thought I should and still no sign of a positive test. I was super bummed. The next day it showed up positive. I called her again, and she reminded me that she wasn't the person I needed to call. Her exact words were "call your husband, you goof."

We did what we needed to do.... self explainitory. I stuck my legs up in the air after each time, watched a few episodes of "I Love Lucy" upside down, and then readjusted and got on with my day. 

On October the 1st, two days before we found out for ourselves, I had my annual OB/GYN appointment. I had several questions about things that were going on. She was so unusually giddy that I left thinking she knows I'm pregnant. She has to know, otherwise why would she act that way? And why wouldn't she tell me?

My mother explained it best the night we told our families. If I hadn't been so sick on the Metofrmin, the symptoms I was clearly having would have been a huge giveaway. 

*I was super exhausted. Some days it was a stretch to get out of the bed.

*My breasts - actually it was just one breast - was super sensitive and uncomfortable to the touch.

* I was having headaches.

* This one could be a little TMI, but I'd never heard of it being a symptom until it happened to me and I started looking it up. So be warned.... I was dealing with INTENSE Vaginal Itchiness. When I asked my doctor she said she would test for a yeast infection but didn't elaborate anymore. Slick thing. And all the tests came back negative.

*I would wake up in the mornings hungry like I hadn't eaten in days, and then the thought of food was revolting.

* While I  couldn't eat most things, a trip to the Minit Mart for pizza rolls one night resulted in me eating two for myself plus half of one of Aaron's. He said he began to get suspicious then.

* Super short of breath. All the time. And not being able to string a sentence together without getting all murkey and forgetting where my comment was headed.

* I was congested late at night.

* Bloating, constipation, diarrhea, gas, some mild "period-style" cramping and the teensiest bit of bleeding where also present. And when I say teeny, I mean I wouldn't have noticed it if I hadn't been looking for it.

Let me pause here and state, for the record, that you can find ANYTHING on line if you are willing to look. I googled "Implantation Bleeding," and got hundreds of thousands of pictures of women's bloody toilet paper. Some could have filled a bathtub with their bleeding and were asking if it was implantation. I'm still not sure if it was officially implantation bleeding or if my doctor doing my pap smear caused a little bleeding. Either way, I'm almost sure that she knew when I left her office that I would be back with a positive test in my hand.

So, the night of the 2nd, I felt terrible. I was aching so badly that I finally gave up and ran a warm bath. I was absolutely positive that my period was coming. I just knew it. While in the bath I decided, after texting my old faithful best friend, that I would test the next morning.

I barely slept that night, tossing and turning and flipping and flopping. But when I woke up that next morning, I snuck off to the bathroom and took a Wondfo (which is an internet cheapie brand) test. I peed in the cup, dipped the test, went about finishing up my toilet business and when I turned around I thought my eyes were playing tricks on me. I looked three or four times, held it up in different light, but I SAW a faint faint second line. I mean, FAINT. And then slowly it started getting darker until it was a fact that there was a second line. 

"AARON!" I shouted, a bit more aggressively than I planned. I giggled at myself silently for how stern I sounded.

"What?!" He replied, alarmed.

"Come here!" I said. "NOW!"

"Are you alright?" He said, as I heard him popping up out of bed.

"GET IN HERE!" I screamed again.

When he finally came into the bathroom, he saw me standing there, in my Murray State t-shirt and black leggings, with my morning face and wild hair, holding that positive pregnancy test. His eyes got as big as saucers. He saw the second line too. Before we did anything, we tested again, with a Rexall brand test we got from Dollar General. This was the same brand we used when we got our false positive. It showed up POSITIVE right away, too! Another Wondfo later, we were convinced I was pregnant. "You can't have 3 positives and them be wrong!" was what my husband said.

Here was the fun part. We decided not to tell anyone until after the doctor confirmed I was pregnant. I was a little terrified because of how crappy I was feeling, and I didn't want to tell and then something happen. But it was Aaron's mom's birthday party. And, oh, we were torn. It would be the best birthday present we could ever give her, and it would be so amazing.....to tell or not to tell? We ultimately decided NOT to tell that day. 

So we bit our tongues all day. Except we told our oldest nephew. He is a teenage brick wall, wouldn't say anything even under pain of death. We were even asked how things were going, and I just said "still waiting." What I didn't say was "to tell you we're pregnant!"

My sister in law and her husband put on a haunted woods every year and we are all taking part in it this year and what goes along with that is lots of fake cuts. You know, the kind you make out of latex and tissue paper.... So we practiced on each other for hours..... the night kept wearing on and the more and more we talked about the haunted woods the more I was like "they're gonna have to know I'm pregnant before we go out there and do that. For sure." It's in the woods, and I'm going to be a character who's eyes have been plucked out, so I'll basically be blind....

So we told our nephew we were going to tell, and he filmed it for us. Aaron asked his mother, who is called "Mimi" by her grandkids, if she still liked "Mimi" or if she wanted to be called something else the next time around, and he showed her the picture he'd taken of our three positive tests. Her response was "WHAT? FOR REAL?"

My sister in law screamed so loud, I think she woke the dead. My 18 year old niece, whom we had all been practicing our halloween makeup on, complete with a green glow-in-the-dark face, dark circles, a sliced and bloody cheek and wild teased hair, tackled me like she was a fullback on the football team. She is the only girl grandchild and immediately said "IT BETTER BE A GIRL!" My brother in law (Aaron's baby brother) said "I KNEW IT!" My mother in law called me a liar. because of earlier when she'd asked what the doctor had told me and how things were going.

Next we knew we had to tell my father in law. He was home sick. So we made up some excuse about him needing to see Lauren, my niece, all dressed up for the haunted woods. So we all trampsed in. He said from the second I walked in his back door he knew. I'm like the cat that ate the canary. I'm a smiler when I have a secret. I'm like Snow White on Once Upon a Time. Can't keep a secret. Oh the soon to be Queen Regina is actually in love with the stable boy? Let's tell her evil mother who hates the stable boy! Yeah. That's me.

Next we went to tell my Mom. My sister in law, who had not gotten out of her pajamas all day, decided to go home. By my mother in law came with us. 

I had suspected that my Mom saw something in me the day of my doctors appointment that lead her to believe I was pregnant, because she practically demanded the doctor do a pregnancy test, and she wouldn't do it. So I figured she already knew. 

When I showed her the photo of the tests, she was quiet. As I knew she would be. A smile peeking its way across her face. She asked me to explain what she was looking at. I told her and the tears came. 

It was a whirlwind day that will go down in the history books of this family.

Now we are on to more doctors appointments, cleaning out the second bedroom to get it ready for baby, names, maternity clothes, birth plans and all that goes along with it and I can't even express how happy I am about it.

It took us 3 years, 34 months, 1003 (exactly) to get pregnant with this child, we tried on our own for two and a half years, but our first round of Clomid paid off. But at last, here we are. 

Where does this leave "The Impossible Dream?" A name change my be in the future... i kind of like "The Possible Impossible Dream." But it's up in the air. I plan on doing weekly updates here on the blog, if I can.... cause life is about to go bananas. My husband also suggested I make a YouTube video talking about our experience with TTC and Clomid. We watched a ton of those while we were TTC.... so perhaps that is on it's way. Not now.... maybe after we have our first ultrasound.... But this will be the place where I do all my baby updating, but The Simple Life will still be going strong, and all the posts here will be linked there. 

So thank you all so much for all of your prayers, and all your kind thoughts. We honestly didn't expect it to happen this cycle. We both said it wouldn't happen this cycle. But the best part of this all is God's timing is perfect. And he still answers prayers. Thank you Lord for this miracle baby!

TWW Musings

So you want to start a family, huh? You've been married a hot minute and it's time. Ok. Throw out all methods of birth control, and go at it like monkeys.

And nothing happens.


Welcome to world of TTC. A land where people speak in abbreviations, regularly pee on stick, wake up at ungodly hours of the morning to take their temperature. Where women log every single little physical reaction, feeling or impulse on either paper, or in a fancy iPhone app.

Where you window shop for baby things, and secretly cry when your friends announce that they're expecting. When every time your period arrives, you want to crawl in a hole and die.

The good news is, no matter how alone you feel, you aren't. I feel like I am on a teeny tiny blow up donut float out in the middle of the great big bad ocean with nothing but my little feet and hands to paddle me around. A long way from home, and all alone.


Let's start with the basics.

The Lingo. If you cruise the TTC boards at places like BabyCenter or theBump, you will see what looks like women speaking back and forth to each other in some kind of strange code. Let me break it down for you.

TTC - This one is simple. "Trying to Conceive."
BFN - Sadly, this is the "Big Fat Negative." We've ALL had (usually) more than one of these.
BFP - This one is a little happier. "Big Fat Positive." We ALL want one of these.
TWW - The dreaded "Two Week Wait." That space between ovulation and pregnancy or your period.
AF - Code for "Aunt Flow." That's code for your "period."
O - Ovulate/Ovulated/Ovulation.
OPK - Ovulation Predictor Kit, you will become very familiar with these lovely little things.
BBT - Stands for Basal Body Temperature, which is your body's temperature after 4 hours of sleep, it's basically your "core" temp, and when it spikes after being low for a certain amount of time, it usually means you have "O'd." If it stays up your BFP is usually right around the corner. Or you have the flu. In either case, calling a doctor is wise.
HPT - Home Pregnancy Test. The little pieces of plastic that we spend our life savings on every month only to have them keep coming up negative and therefore we chuck them out with the trash.
hCG- Basically this is that every illusive pregnancy hormone.
Clomid -  a drug that will cause you to lose your mind and make you ovulate all at the same time. 
DPO - "Days Past Ovulation."

Here's what a PCOS positive active TTCer's day looks like.

6am - wake up to the shrieking sounds of your alarm clock. But don't move. Slowly reach your hand over to your nightstand, find your thermometer and pop it in your mouth. Don't even blink. Seriously, you can't move before you take your BBT. Ok. So it's 97.6 this morning. Write it down or log it into your app. (I use OVIA fertility, fyi.)  Now, either go back to sleep, or get up.

Whilst eating breakfast you take your Metformin. And your Clomid. Lose your appetite. Spend the next 40 minutes in the bathroom losing 3 pounds. :) keeping.it.real.

Ok. Shower, please. Get dressed, go on with your day. Somewhere in the middle of the day, you need to take your OPK. Find a cup. (The little disposable paper cups are great for this, btw.) Pee in said cup. Dip your little paper stick down into it for 3 seconds and then pull it out. Wait. Do this every day until you get a positive. Positive OPK's are funny things. With an OPK the test line has to be as dark or darker than the control line for them to be positive. Once you get your positive, get your man home. PRONTO.

After that.... you wait. For two agonizing weeks, you wait. You read into every little symptom that you have, and even a few you don't have. "Oh my goodness, I have a headache." "Ooh, I tooted while I was grocery shopping before I could even stop it." "I feel a bit bloated." "Is that breast tenderness I have?" "Am I unusually tired, or is this regular tired?" Sometimes you flat out invent symptoms. They're not there, but your head says you are feeling them.

You will spend your days a nights combing through message boards online, reading posts where women who have gotten their "BFP's" give you a blow by blow of the whole two weeks. I'm guilty of this. A post I read had a woman listing a migraine at 4dpo, to which i exclaimed "SO DID I!!" It means nothing. It is coincidence. "At 7dpo, we got a positive test!" Said one woman. I jumped up and ran to the bathroom and used a Wondfo pregnancy test, which, of course, came out negative. Down in the dumps I go.


The deal is that TTC and Pregnancy are a very individual thing to the person. A little nausea may be all you have. My mother lost 17 pounds during her pregnancy with me because she was so sick. I wish I had photos to show you, it's OBVIOUS she was a sick sick lady. But just because she was so sick, doesn't mean I will be.

Who here is guilty of watching the tv show "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant!"? It's ok, you can admit it, this is a judgment free zone. I watched 3 episodes this morning.  And we sit there and think "how can these women not know they're pregnant?" But from all the sources I've been hip deep in lately, not having many, or any, symptoms can happen. I've known women that only discovered they were pregnant because they missed their period. They never had a pain, never had had morning sickness, everything was a breeze. Some women only start experiencing symptoms after they find out they're pregnant.



It's hard to be hopeful. Hard to read all these websites where people are experiencing the same things you are and are turning up pregnant, and then here I am, twiddling my thumbs, waiting. Am I or aren't I? That's the question. It's the TWW and it's driving me crazy.


I had my annual with my OB/GYN today. She's wonderful. She came in and was anxious to hear about what had happened. After telling her about our super positive OPK, she got very excited with me. It's hard when your doctor gets so excited. I know there is basically a 50/50 shot that it worked and I got pregnant. I have a 50% reason to get excited and a 50% reason to be very realistic. But it is SO HARD not to look at nursery ideas online, or check out the baby shoes while you're cruising through the consignment store. I had to move my laptop out of the spare room to write this, because being in that room (which will be baby's room at some point) was too hard for me.  It was so hard for me to be in town today and literally see bellies everywhere I went. Naturally the doctors waiting room was filled with them, but then I went shopping, and out to eat, and they were there too. It's just plain hard.


 
So, the wait continues. I'm feeling pretty lousy after today, emotionally and physically. THOSE exams are evasive and never fun, not even when your doctor offers you super cute, pink and flowery gowns to wear. Wear isn't the right word. Cover yourself with. Cause we know how it goes, all modesty goes out the door during your annual with you OB/GYN. This is a sheet with a hole in the top for your head to go through. I'm tired, a bit cranky, and just anxious for this weekend to pass and my life to move on one way or another.

So many prayers, and so much effort has been put into this battle, I can only hope that our victory is just around the corner. Not a moment of these 34 months has been easy. I've probably reached the limit on the tears I am allowed to shed and am in debt to the tear bank for the rest of eternity. I've questioned all the reasons, I've questioned God - which my Daddy always told me never to do. But it's hard, I tell you. You have so much love to give, and such a good life to bring a child into, and no baby, month after month after month...

I've been praying lately for the Lord to help me endure whatever is to come. Help me to deal with and accept a negative result, or to take on the added responsibility of a pregnancy and child and all that goes along with it, should my result be positive. I'm longing for the day when I can tell you we're expecting, but, it's not today, for sure. :(


PLEASE remember me, and my Aaron, in your prayers as we wait on the Lord. We know all of this is in HIS hands. We just have to hold on. I keep remembering what Aaron's Mamaw told us. "Kids, hold on. It's coming. I believe it. Hold on." My knuckles are bloody and raw Mamaw, but I'm holding on.